The Paradox of Healing
The Paradox of Healing
by Jivana Heyman
In the spring of 1995, as I was training to become a yoga instructor, my close friend, Kurt, was in and out of the hospital with various AIDS-related illnesses. During our visits, I would share my excitement about Yoga - particularly about Raja Yoga. Kurt had studied many spiritual traditions and was familiar with the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. We would talk about each verse at length, with particular attention to how it could help Kurt deal with his illness.
To begin working on accepting his death in a conscious way, Kurt decided to make a list of his worldly attachments. Soon, this became a daily practice. Every morning, he would make a list of his attachments, and during the day, he would spend time contemplating them and trying to let go of them.
The list started out quite long, but after just a few weeks, it read: “Randy (his partner), Buddy (his dog), the apartment, and Jivana (me).” He was thrilled that he had managed to pare the list down to only four things, but he knew that he had to continue his practice. He realized that to embrace death, he would have to completely release his grip on the world.
Over the summer Kurt lost his vision, and then his hearing started to go. Soon, our visits were mostly spent in silence, holding hands. One day, when I visited, I noticed that Kurt seemed very relaxed. He told me that he had shortened the list. It now simply read, “Randy and Buddy.” He had let go of the apartment, and he had let go of me.
To my surprise, I felt relieved by Kurt’s announcement. A lightness and sense of freedom came over me - Kurt had acknowledged the depth of our friendship by letting go of his attachment to me. He was conscious of our spiritual connection, a connection that would last beyond the death of his physical body, and when his death finally came, I found the transition easier than I expected, both for him and for me. Kurt’s conscious acceptance of dying had made his transition easier, and he had given me a great gift at the same time.
Hatha Yoga
Having been involved in the AIDS world for many years before Kurt’s death, I had seen many friends die of the disease. Some died peacefully and some didn’t, but the healing that I witnessed in Kurt was profound. As I went on to teach, I found that many people facing illness were ripe for self-exploration and were willing to see their illness as an opportunity for growth, as Kurt had. One of my students, Scott Chance, expressed this clearly when he said, “Looking at it in the most positive sense, sero-converting (becoming HIV+) was a rebirth of my spirituality, of my physical body, of my existence here on this planet. A reawakening.”
To fully explore the healing that Yoga offers, I began to teach Yoga specifically for people with HIV/AIDS. The two hour classes begin with a presentation about an idea from Yoga philosophy, or with a spiritual poem. What follows is usually a discussion about how these ideas can be related to the students’ experience of life and of illness. After the discussion, we have a gentle Hatha session with an emphasis on imagery, pranayama, and meditation. Each part of the Hatha session supports the body’s healing. The asanas are done very gently to avoid any possibility of straining. Our goal is to reduce stress and tension - straining can actually promote disease. We pay special attention to practices that focus and increase the body’s energy. Among these, deep breathing and kapaalabhati (rapid diaphragmatic breathing) also encourage the circulation of lymph fluid by creating pumping movements that help to drain the fluid. Modified Sarvangaasana (a shoulderstand done by simply raising the legs onto the wall), and other gentle inversions, also help to circulate lymph fluid.
Other important asanas include bhujangaasana (the cobra pose) and matsyaasana (the fish pose), which can be modified with a bolster or pillow under the spine so that the asana can be held longer. On an energetic level these two asanas open the heart center. On a physical level they open the lungs and the area around the thymus gland. (The thymus, an important part of the immune system, is located just under the sternum where you can feel a small notch.)
Working with the Mind
The asanas are practiced not only because they benefit us physically, but also because they can powerfully reduce mental stress. The body and mind have a reciprocal effect on each other; when there is stress in the mind, it creates physical tension, and vice versa. Western medicine is currently exploring this connection between body and mind, which the science of Yoga has recognized for a long time.
The relatively new field of psychoneuroimmunology has researched this important connection in studies involving those with HIV/AIDS. One such study showed that participants had a drastic reduction in immune system function after learning of an HIV-positive test result. Another correlated depression and immune suppression in HIV-positive men. According to Swami Satchidananda, the yogic approach to health already takes this connection into account. “If you think that you are sick, you are going to be sick. Think that you are healthy, and you are healthy. Remember, you become what you think. It’s simple: Think well, you become well.”
This is easier said than done. Gaining mastery over the mind is the goal of Yoga and can be pursued with a variety of Yoga practices. One technique for changing our thoughts involves replacing negative images in the mind with more positive images of relaxation or healing. Nonspecific images of energy, light, and general relaxation can be very effective in releasing tension and calming the mind. But the most powerful healing images usually come from one’s wwn experience. Leading students through the process of finding their own images can be quite useful. Martin Rossman, M.D., author of Healing Yourself, recommends leading students to a place of relaxation or a personal sanctuary and then asking the body to offer up its own images. This practice can have surprising results that can lead to profound changes in the mind and in the body. In the rich tradition of Yoga, meditation is perhaps the most important tool for gaining control of the mind. Through meditation we gain a new perspective on our thoughts and begin to diffuse their power. With continued practice, we become aware of the limitations of the mind and we realize that we are not just the mind. We begin to identify with a deeper place within - our spirit. This process can create drastic changes in the physical body and in the way we perceive our lives and ourselves.
Sangha
These drastic changes may happen slowly, but a consistent practice is essential. Sustaining it can require a lot of work, and most of us don’t have the discipline to keep ourselves motivated. So we need the support of a sangha , a community of like-minded people. This is especially true in healing, when pain and depression can so easily interfere with continued practice. Pain can literally stop us in our tracks and drain us of energy - simply asking someone in pain to turn his or her attention within can be an overwhelming request. We may have to look for other techniques.
The process of sharing can give meaning to pain that may otherwise feel like pointless suffering. By honestly talking about our pain with others, we are simultaneously releasing some of it, as well as connecting with others who are also suffering. In a recent class, one student expressed the belief that his illness was a teacher for him. Rather than pushing away the pain he’s been experiencing , he wanted to begin to explore it in the hope of discovering meaning in his life.
In my classes, I have found that this process of connecting with a group acts not only as a support for the Yoga practices, but it acts also as a forum for exploring emotions. And I have also found that the combination of meditation and group sharing can be an extremely effective way to deal with latent emotions and painful thoughts. Simply being heard and listening to others can calm the mind in surprising ways, clearing the way for healing to take place.
The Paradox of Yogic Healing
In a sense, yogic healing is a paradox. As we see beyond the mind, and the heart opens, we realize that, on a deep level, we are already healed, already whole. We may even feel grateful for illness and pain for showing the way to this place. The paradox is that we begin this journey by trying to heal the physical body and, along the way, this becomes secondary to a deeper healing, a reunion with our spirit: Yoga (which literally means “union”). As a result, illness can take on a new role in our lives. Rather than leading us down a torturous path, illness can become a map showing us the road to self-realization. In the book, Healing into Life and Death, by Stephen Levine, a man dying of AIDS shares the depth of his healing in an open letter to his friends. “And so my healing has occurred. Soon my body will drop away from me like a cocoon and my spirit will fly like a butterfly - beautiful and perfect. I don’t claim to know exactly where it is that I am going, but my heart tells me it is filled with light and love. An open heart is a much greater blessing than death is a tragedy. Let us all take comfort in this knowledge.”
This is the gift that Kurt gave me. He allowed me to be with him as he went through the process of releasing the physical world and attaching to a deeper place within - a place where the bond between two open hearts exists beyond the death of the physical body.
Bibliography for The Paradox of Healing
Finding Hope in a Time of Crisis: AIDS and Other Illnesses, DVD, Sri Swami Satchidananda
(also available as audio MP3 download)
Healing Yourself, a Step-by-Step Program for Better Health Through Imagery. Martin L. Rossman, M.D., 1987
The Institute for the Advancement of Health
Healing into Life and Death, Stephen Levine. Doubleday, New York, 1987
Website: www.yogagroup.org. Contains information and related articles on HIV/Yoga classes around the country.
Jivana Heyman is Teacher Training Coordinator for the San Francisco IYI. He also works in the San Francisco Bay Area with people who have chronic illness. This article was first published in Yoga International magazine, Issue No. 52, March 2000.
Reprinted by the Integral Yoga Teachers Association Newsletter
